Last Step

Desire has crashed and fallen

Thirst never to be quenched

Your shallow feelings grasping

Seek, beholding the lies you've told

Stare turns to glare, you question

All awake to hear, I dare give answer

Sensation lost in confusion

A path retreats behind you

A path of pain and deceit

For I know what you know

A touch, fleeting and gone

A step, into the abyss of nothing

For you pain and heartbreak

For me, finding loving peace

By Christy Henderson

(a rebuttal of sorts)

For I have LOVED and I have LIVED.

"I ask for no ones tears, pity, or forgiveness. For I have LOVED and I have LIVED."

Does anyone really know what "love" is? I think that love has to have a firm base of mutual respect, honesty, loyalty, affection, devotion, and a genuine desire to be someones' all and them be your all. To give yourself completely, to open yourself allowing your true colors to be seen, allowing the inner beauty and ugliness to be viewed... and then add in chemistry! When I first met my current hubby, we were both married to other people. And both unhappy. My first marriage was a struggle from the beginning. He had an ex-wife and two kids, a daughter and son. Most of our problems stemmed from the animosity that remained from their divorce, of which I had no part in. When we met, I really thought I had met someone I could really connect with... we had lots of things in common, love of outdoors, love of fishing, camping, etc. Unfortunately, the constant stress on our relationship due to different views on parenting/ex-wives and meddling family, adding in the mix of excessive alcohol... well it just didn't survive the barrage of issues.

I became a much happier person after husband #1 and I split. And soon, my happiness exploded... when I discovered my kindred spirit and soulmate... but that's another blog for another day.

"I love thee, I love but thee; with a love that shall not die; till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old."
Shakespeare

Gnurpled

What is "gnurpled"? It's what I have always called 'fried eggs'. Literally! I've never called them fried eggs, sunny-side-up eggs, once over eggs, easy over eggs, etc. And yes, I know those terms have additional meanings regarding eggs but in my world... they're simply "gnurpled".

I Hear...

“I hear the wind a blow
I hear the grass a grow,
And all that I know, I know.
But I will not speak, I will run away.”

By William Butler Yeats

Dreams, Goals, Aspirations

What are your dreams, goals or aspirations? I used to have very specific goals laid out - and still do, to a certain extent. Some of my "dreams" have gone by the wayside... lost in the world of getting older. At times I've wished them back but, reality has rendered them null and void. After all, age does play a part in some of my past ambitions. Some things just aren't possible!

Do you have dreams or goals? Have you done everything possible to reach them? I've been neglecting some of my ambitions and it's time to get back on track.

Here are a few of my goals:

1) Be debt free

2) Lose weight

3) Become a full-time professional organizer

I have more goals... but some are really too personal to list... at least on this blog! LOL!

Alone

Alone

The noon's greygolden meshes make
All night a veil,
The shorelamps in the sleeping lake
Laburnum tendrils trail.

The sly reeds whisper to the night
A name-- her name-
And all my soul is a delight,
A swoon of shame.

By James Joyce

Write What you Feel!

Forgiveness

By George William Russell

AT dusk the window panes grew grey;
The wet world vanished in the gloom;
The dim and silver end of day
Scarce glimmered through the little room.

And all my sins were told; I said
Such things to her who knew not sin—
The sharp ache throbbing in my head,
The fever running high within.

I touched with pain her purity;
Sin’s darker sense I could not bring:
My soul was black as night to me;
To her I was a wounded thing.

I needed love no words could say;
She drew me softly nigh her chair,
My head upon her knees to lay,
With cool hands that caressed my hair.

She sat with hands as if to bless,
And looked with grave, ethereal eyes;
Ensouled by ancient Quietness,
A gentle priestess of the Wise.

A few weeks ago, a good part of my evening was spent listening to my husband, the writer, and one of our friends collaborating on a new script… the other part, spent writing my latest “MySpace” Blog on resolutions. And yet now, I write more. (And I’m not even a writer!)

I’ve had to cause to delve back into poetry – reading many different verses, trying to grasp the tumbling madness that swirls through my brain at any given moment – fragments of thought screaming to be put to paper. The past week or so, I’ve felt a particular urge to turn some of that chaos into poetry. As I searched for something to calm the noise of my thoughts, I found the poem above. It hit a chord in me, reminding me of the song, “Hard Sun” by Eddie Vedder. If you’ve visited my husband’s MySpace page, you’ll note this is his current song – which holds an intense meaning for me and him.

Since love and marriage are not perfect things – and simply can’t be perfected… I have found that creating the right balance between him and me, to be a challenge. That’s not to say there haven’t been times when we’ve in perfect sync but, life tends to throws a ‘kink into the sync’, just to keep things interesting. How we handle the ‘kink’ is up to us. Do we let it spiral out of control, screaming all the while? Do we tighten up the ranks and close up the moat? Do we passively disconnect and let it slide? Do we pack up and depart with our tail tucked between our legs or our head held high? In my life of marriage (both 1 and 2), I’ve done a bit of it all! I’ve had everything spiral out of control, no matter how loud I screamed. I’ve closed up ranks and sealed the moat. I’ve disconnected and let things slide. And I’ve departed in more ways than one. What I call the education of life and love...

What can I say… isn’t life about learning? If love is to be a part of our life, then it comes with all sorts of impossibilities, improbabilities, and also, sheer joy and distraction. Life is about finding ways to move forward instead of backwards - It’s the intense flavor of what’s to come that pushes us to learn more about ourselves. Not always pretty, but all part of becoming who we’re supposed to be. Don’t you think?