Forgiveness
By George William Russell
AT dusk the window panes grew grey;
The wet world vanished in the gloom;
The dim and silver end of day
Scarce glimmered through the little room.
And all my sins were told; I said
Such things to her who knew not sin—
The sharp ache throbbing in my head,
The fever running high within.
I touched with pain her purity;
Sin’s darker sense I could not bring:
My soul was black as night to me;
To her I was a wounded thing.
I needed love no words could say;
She drew me softly nigh her chair,
My head upon her knees to lay,
With cool hands that caressed my hair.
She sat with hands as if to bless,
And looked with grave, ethereal eyes;
Ensouled by ancient Quietness,
A gentle priestess of the Wise.
A few weeks ago, a good part of my evening was spent listening to my husband, the writer, and one of our friends collaborating on a new script… the other part, spent writing my latest “MySpace” Blog on resolutions. And yet now, I write more. (And I’m not even a writer!)
I’ve had to cause to delve back into poetry – reading many different verses, trying to grasp the tumbling madness that swirls through my brain at any given moment – fragments of thought screaming to be put to paper. The past week or so, I’ve felt a particular urge to turn some of that chaos into poetry. As I searched for something to calm the noise of my thoughts, I found the poem above. It hit a chord in me, reminding me of the song, “Hard Sun” by Eddie Vedder. If you’ve visited my husband’s MySpace page, you’ll note this is his current song – which holds an intense meaning for me and him.
Since love and marriage are not perfect things – and simply can’t be perfected… I have found that creating the right balance between him and me, to be a challenge. That’s not to say there haven’t been times when we’ve in perfect sync but, life tends to throws a ‘kink into the sync’, just to keep things interesting. How we handle the ‘kink’ is up to us. Do we let it spiral out of control, screaming all the while? Do we tighten up the ranks and close up the moat? Do we passively disconnect and let it slide? Do we pack up and depart with our tail tucked between our legs or our head held high? In my life of marriage (both 1 and 2), I’ve done a bit of it all! I’ve had everything spiral out of control, no matter how loud I screamed. I’ve closed up ranks and sealed the moat. I’ve disconnected and let things slide. And I’ve departed in more ways than one. What I call the education of life and love...
What can I say… isn’t life about learning? If love is to be a part of our life, then it comes with all sorts of impossibilities, improbabilities, and also, sheer joy and distraction. Life is about finding ways to move forward instead of backwards - It’s the intense flavor of what’s to come that pushes us to learn more about ourselves. Not always pretty, but all part of becoming who we’re supposed to be. Don’t you think?
