Presences

PRESENCES

by: W. B. Yeats (1865-1939)

HIS night has been so strange that it seemed

As if the hair stood up on my head.

From going-down of the sun I have dreamed

That women laughing, or timid or wild,

In rustle of lace or silken stuff,

Climbed up my creaking stair. They had read

All I had rhymed of that monstrous thing

Returned and yet unrequited love.

They stood in the door and stood between

My great wood lectern and the fire

Till I could hear their hearts beating:

One is a harlot, and one a child

That never looked upon man with desire,

And one, it may be, a queen.

Blogging???

Today I saw the movie "Julie & Julia"... What a wonderful movie! Besides the simply enjoyment of a really good movie, the best thing about it - I came away inspired to "blog" more. Wow! I'm not even a writer but yet, something about this movie created inspiration inside of me to actually "WRITE MORE"! So, here I am, blogging away...

What inspires you to reach beyond the ordinary? To aim for something just beyond reach? Is it your faith? Your desires? Your ambition? Your boss? Your Mother/Father? What drives you to accomplish your dreams, hopes and desires? I have always had goals, but not so much ambition. I strive to be the best I can at whatever endeavor I've attempted. And yes, there have been many times I've failed miserably. Yup, fallen flat on my face! But you know what, I've always picked myself up and tried again. And if failure continued to slap me in the face - well, I moved on to something else. I don't necessarily call all my thwarted attempts failures - I refer to them as true learning experiences... and I've learned some hard lessons over the years.

So tell me, is it that hard to reach out and grab for something you really and truly want? I don't think so... I think it's all in how you look at things. If you go into something, knowing you're going to fail, well, chances are, you will... but, if you decide you're going to succeed, odds are, you will. Is it that simple? Probably not, but in the grand scheme of things, isn't it better to have tried and failed than to never had tried at all...

Twists & Turns

Have you ever noticed that just when you think you have everything figured out and all is going well, something happens and all of a sudden you're heading in a completely opposite direction? I've heard it referred to as the roller-coaster of life. You're traveling along on a nice straight section of life then, poof... next thing you know, you're heading south! I've had some abrupt twists and turns throughout my life, some were relatively seamless and some... just about snapped my head off! It's those that make me wonder if I, at age 45, really have a clue about what life truly is about? Many years ago, Tuesday, July 13, 1982 to be exact, was a major turning point in my life. Up until that point in time, I was a fairly quiet, shy, reserved young girl of 18. On that day, one year after graduating high school, riding in my 1966 Ford Mustang with my, at the time, boyfriend... BANG! Head-on collision!

This wreck put me in the hospital for several days and again later for a skin graft. Beside traveling half way through the windshield, cutting my face horribly, I had a concussion, a gash on my leg that was 4 inches wide and 8 inches deep into the lower part of my calf, bruised kidneys, and numerous other cuts, scrape and bruises. My boyfriend was injured also, but not as seriously and required no hospital stay - somehow, he landed in the backseat! This was the turning point for several things... after regaining normal cognitive thought - it dawned on me, had I died at this moment in time, would my family and friends know that I loved them? From this point on, I've made ever effort to let people know how I feel - it isn't always easy but, it's better than leaving things unsaid forever.

Some people never learn the importance of being open and honest and being able to express your feelings to those you love and care about. I learned this the hard way as well as other valuable life-lessons.

Because of certain circumstance due to this accident, I lost my first real job and my first real boyfriend... even though we're now friendly acquaintances. But then there were the blessings in disguise - I found my real career calling (drafting), found love, lost love and found it again... with all the ups and downs, twists and turns that come with living this life. And what a ride it's been and continues to be...

Poetry

Sweet Dancer

The girl goes dancing there
On the leaf-sown, new-mown, smooth
Grass plot of the garden;
Escaped from bitter youth,
Escaped out of her crowd,
Or out of her black cloud.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer!

If strange men come from the house
To lead her away, do not say
That she is happy being crazy;
Lead them gently astray;
Let her finish her dance,
Let her finish her dance.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer!

By William Butler Yeats

Boundaries

Boundaries. By definition it's something that indicates the bounds or limits. There all sorts of boundaries. Actually physical boundaries, for instance the boundaries of walls in your house or the fence around your yard. Invisible boundaries, like city, state or country lines or personal boundaries, and even professional boundaries? Invisible but just the same, real.

What happens when someone oversteps a personal or professional boundary? I know that I get extremely uncomfortable when a stranger gets physically close to me - they're inside my personal space, my boundary. What about the boundaries we invoke upon ourselves? We all have boundaries that we live by, that restrict us, guide us, and even protect us. For example, laws or rules establish a form of boundaries. Cross the line, and voila, you may find yourself being punished or even worse, behind bars.

I have wrapped myself in boundaries for a long time. Internal boundaries. I withhold much of myself from most people, and few really truly know or understand me. What happens if my boundaries were to unravel? Would I remain much as I am at this given time? I don't know. I've had relationship boundaries pushed, twisted and crossed. My first husband and I had tons of issues related to boundaries - mostly due to his kids and ex-wife. (but that's a whole other blog!)

What happens when your personal boundaries are crossed? I've tried following the Golden Rule... to treat others as you expect to be treated in the same situation. And I can personally attest, it isn't always easy. But that's another blog... for now, I contemplate boundaries, those physical, invisible, real and imagined.

Last Step

Desire has crashed and fallen

Thirst never to be quenched

Your shallow feelings grasping

Seek, beholding the lies you've told

Stare turns to glare, you question

All awake to hear, I dare give answer

Sensation lost in confusion

A path retreats behind you

A path of pain and deceit

For I know what you know

A touch, fleeting and gone

A step, into the abyss of nothing

For you pain and heartbreak

For me, finding loving peace

By Christy Henderson

(a rebuttal of sorts)

For I have LOVED and I have LIVED.

"I ask for no ones tears, pity, or forgiveness. For I have LOVED and I have LIVED."

Does anyone really know what "love" is? I think that love has to have a firm base of mutual respect, honesty, loyalty, affection, devotion, and a genuine desire to be someones' all and them be your all. To give yourself completely, to open yourself allowing your true colors to be seen, allowing the inner beauty and ugliness to be viewed... and then add in chemistry! When I first met my current hubby, we were both married to other people. And both unhappy. My first marriage was a struggle from the beginning. He had an ex-wife and two kids, a daughter and son. Most of our problems stemmed from the animosity that remained from their divorce, of which I had no part in. When we met, I really thought I had met someone I could really connect with... we had lots of things in common, love of outdoors, love of fishing, camping, etc. Unfortunately, the constant stress on our relationship due to different views on parenting/ex-wives and meddling family, adding in the mix of excessive alcohol... well it just didn't survive the barrage of issues.

I became a much happier person after husband #1 and I split. And soon, my happiness exploded... when I discovered my kindred spirit and soulmate... but that's another blog for another day.

"I love thee, I love but thee; with a love that shall not die; till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old."
Shakespeare

Gnurpled

What is "gnurpled"? It's what I have always called 'fried eggs'. Literally! I've never called them fried eggs, sunny-side-up eggs, once over eggs, easy over eggs, etc. And yes, I know those terms have additional meanings regarding eggs but in my world... they're simply "gnurpled".

I Hear...

“I hear the wind a blow
I hear the grass a grow,
And all that I know, I know.
But I will not speak, I will run away.”

By William Butler Yeats

Dreams, Goals, Aspirations

What are your dreams, goals or aspirations? I used to have very specific goals laid out - and still do, to a certain extent. Some of my "dreams" have gone by the wayside... lost in the world of getting older. At times I've wished them back but, reality has rendered them null and void. After all, age does play a part in some of my past ambitions. Some things just aren't possible!

Do you have dreams or goals? Have you done everything possible to reach them? I've been neglecting some of my ambitions and it's time to get back on track.

Here are a few of my goals:

1) Be debt free

2) Lose weight

3) Become a full-time professional organizer

I have more goals... but some are really too personal to list... at least on this blog! LOL!

Alone

Alone

The noon's greygolden meshes make
All night a veil,
The shorelamps in the sleeping lake
Laburnum tendrils trail.

The sly reeds whisper to the night
A name-- her name-
And all my soul is a delight,
A swoon of shame.

By James Joyce

Write What you Feel!

Forgiveness

By George William Russell

AT dusk the window panes grew grey;
The wet world vanished in the gloom;
The dim and silver end of day
Scarce glimmered through the little room.

And all my sins were told; I said
Such things to her who knew not sin—
The sharp ache throbbing in my head,
The fever running high within.

I touched with pain her purity;
Sin’s darker sense I could not bring:
My soul was black as night to me;
To her I was a wounded thing.

I needed love no words could say;
She drew me softly nigh her chair,
My head upon her knees to lay,
With cool hands that caressed my hair.

She sat with hands as if to bless,
And looked with grave, ethereal eyes;
Ensouled by ancient Quietness,
A gentle priestess of the Wise.

A few weeks ago, a good part of my evening was spent listening to my husband, the writer, and one of our friends collaborating on a new script… the other part, spent writing my latest “MySpace” Blog on resolutions. And yet now, I write more. (And I’m not even a writer!)

I’ve had to cause to delve back into poetry – reading many different verses, trying to grasp the tumbling madness that swirls through my brain at any given moment – fragments of thought screaming to be put to paper. The past week or so, I’ve felt a particular urge to turn some of that chaos into poetry. As I searched for something to calm the noise of my thoughts, I found the poem above. It hit a chord in me, reminding me of the song, “Hard Sun” by Eddie Vedder. If you’ve visited my husband’s MySpace page, you’ll note this is his current song – which holds an intense meaning for me and him.

Since love and marriage are not perfect things – and simply can’t be perfected… I have found that creating the right balance between him and me, to be a challenge. That’s not to say there haven’t been times when we’ve in perfect sync but, life tends to throws a ‘kink into the sync’, just to keep things interesting. How we handle the ‘kink’ is up to us. Do we let it spiral out of control, screaming all the while? Do we tighten up the ranks and close up the moat? Do we passively disconnect and let it slide? Do we pack up and depart with our tail tucked between our legs or our head held high? In my life of marriage (both 1 and 2), I’ve done a bit of it all! I’ve had everything spiral out of control, no matter how loud I screamed. I’ve closed up ranks and sealed the moat. I’ve disconnected and let things slide. And I’ve departed in more ways than one. What I call the education of life and love...

What can I say… isn’t life about learning? If love is to be a part of our life, then it comes with all sorts of impossibilities, improbabilities, and also, sheer joy and distraction. Life is about finding ways to move forward instead of backwards - It’s the intense flavor of what’s to come that pushes us to learn more about ourselves. Not always pretty, but all part of becoming who we’re supposed to be. Don’t you think?

Intimidation

By definition, intimidation means:


Intimidation


I have never felt that I personally could be a very intimidating person but, a recent experience has left me questioning whether or not my countenance might invoke fear or discomfort within others. This recent event has me thinking about how to put my "best face forward" - and made me more aware of other people's expressions. In many cases, the eyes truly are the window to the soul (even when you're wearing sunglasses), but not always. Some folks are very adept at hiding their feelings but, unfortunately or fortunately, I typically wear my feelings on my sleeve. You can usually tell exactly what mood I'm in by one glance at my face. Of course, there are times that I can hide my feeling but those times are few and far between... Sigh.

Unraveled

Unraveled

Withering grass, brittle and dry,
Ravens soaring, call out their cry,
Endless asphalt, black and curled,
Calls me back, I rise and unfurl.

Gale of sand, stinging and sharp,
Wind wails to a screaming harp,
Pulling me tight, he breathes my name,
Darkness shrouds, he sheds his shame.

Cries of love, passion and fear,
Parting the night, suddenly clear,
Holding me close, higher we rise,
Pain of past, lingers not and dies.

Beating hearts, attuned as one,
Blood rushes and ebbs, undone,
Quietly seeking, skin damp and warm,
Knowing this man, will do no harm.

Further and further, into the sun,
Woman I am, no longer I run,
Together in life, our spirit now tied,
Unraveled we burn, together we ride.

By: Christy Henderson

"30 Days of Night" Movie Review

Directed by: David Slade
Written by: Steve Niles & Stuart Beattie
Plot Summary: (so to not spoil the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it yet)
Genre: Horror / Thriller

IMDB Link: http://imdb.com/title/tt0389722/

This is the story of an isolated Alaskan town that is plunged into darkness for a month each year when the sun sinks below the horizon. As the last rays of light fade, the town is attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires bent on an uninterrupted orgy of destruction. Only the small town's husband-and-wife Sheriff team stand between the survivors and certain destruction.

Since we missed this when it was in theatres, we opted to purchase it this weekend and, with popcorn in hand, watched it immediately. While this does not rate as my all-time favorite vampire movie, it does rate in my top 10. I found it to be more creepy than scary but it really takes a lot for a movie to scare me! I'm glad we bought it though because it really is a great movie! For those who love or live for vampire movies, this is a must see!

Film Location Scouting

I've been "helping" my hubby scout out potential filming locations around our lovely countryside. Yesterday, we met up with a friend of ours and checked out an old house that he owns and we may use for an upcoming film. Prior to Hurricane Rita, this house had been rented but the storm really did a number on it. No one has lived there since, and it's in pretty bad shape - perfect for the film! The ceilings are starting to cave-in and there is water damage everywhere. I think the place has really good potential for this film but, I'm no expert! We'll have to see what the director says.

On a different note, my hubby found me the coolest lounge pants! Guinness loungewear! I LOVE them! Comfy and cool at the same time! Yes, I can tell how excited that news flash is to you but, I just wanted to share in my happiness! LOL!

Enjoy your day!

"There Will Be Blood" Movie Review

Genre: Drama
Tagline: When Ambition Meets Faith
Plot Outline: A story about family, greed, religion, and oil, centered around a turn-of-the-century prospector in the early days of the business.


For the entire synopsis, follow the link:


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0469494/synopsis

This movie was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! Daniel Day-Lewis is magnificant in his role as Daniel Plainview, a greedy, cruel, violent oilman (who I tried to like but found it next to impossible)! The movie, inspired by Upton Sinclair's novel, "Oil!" (1927) was directed by Paul Thomas Anderson and Robert Elswit as the cinematographer. Both did outstanding jobs with this film but for me, it was how mesmerizing Daniel Day-Lewis was in this role. I'm not going to go into any details, since I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't already seen this movie. If you haven't, I highly recommend it! There's an Oscar in here for sure!

Awesome Photoshop Photos!

http://www.vertustech.com/blog/2008/02/11/32/

OMG! Check out the link above - the photos are amazing. For Christmas, my hubby gave me an awesome SLR digital camera - (Nikon D40), and I'd love to be able to tweak photo's like theses folks have... really extraordinary! I particularly like the woman with the horses emerging from her hair. WOW!

I have to start really playing with my camera - I have hopes of entering into a few photo contests once I'm obtained some top quality pictures. One of the blogs I read regularly is doing photos of colors - for example, this month, it's the color yellow. Basically, you find things that are yellow and photograph them. I think there is a contest, or maybe you just submit them and the best are posted on the web. Still pretty cool idea and I'm thinking of doing my own version - for practice!

My hubby and I talked about photography this weekend, and I told him that I'd like to take photos of cemetary's and old, old churchs, especially Gothic type. So, I plan to do exactly that - I'm going to make a list of local cemetary's and we're going to scope them out and let me take pictures till my hearts content! Then, once I have 10-20 that I really like, I'm going to create a portfolio and post them on the web!

I'll keep you posted on any new photography developments (excuse the pun!) LOL!

Styles of Love

I'm rewriting my post about Styles of Love (hopefully without infringing on anyone's turf). I found the following from Wikipedia which is a simplier version of my original post but still fairly clear. I've included the link if you would like to read a more indepth description.

I think I'm mostly Storge with a little bit of Pragma, Mania and Agape thrown in at different times in my life/relationships. With my hubby, it's pretty much all Storge though. It's kind of interesting to look back on how my past relationships and figure out which "style" ruled my life at that point. Very interesting indeed.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles

Love styles - From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Love styles are models of lovers developed by John Lee (1973, 1988). He identified six basic theories -- also known as "colors" of love -- that people use in their interpersonal relationships:

Eros — a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
Ludus — a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest
Storge — an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
Pragma — love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative
Mania — highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by low self-esteem
Agape — selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love

Clyde Hendrick and Susan Hendrick of Texas Tech University have conducted extensive research on the love styles since the mid-1980s. They have found that men tend to be more ludic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Mania is often the first love style teenagers display. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer. People often look for people with the same love style as themselves for a relationship.

Wasting Away

Wasting Away

Walking along the dark path edge,
Emotions full, creating their wedge
Carving a hole, deep from within
Full of resentment, aching with sin.

Hatred heavy, lies on my soul
Deceit closes in, taking its toll
Pain and suffering, wasting away
Darkness abounds, I have no say.

What I've become, a hard empty shell
Deeper and deeper my life living hell
Swallowed bitterness, churning inside
My spirit undone, yet quiet it hides.

Black stony silence, harshly it stares
Looking so boldly, in anger it glares
Earth's dank pit, holds nothing but death
Memories in ashes, nothing is left.

By: Christy Henderson